I may or may not have ovarian cancer. I’ve had a host of “whispering symptoms” for a while now that three different general practitioners have repeated misdiagnosed. Each time I reminded them that I was BRCA+ and asked if I should be screened for ovarian cancer. They waved it off. As is typical with ovarian cancer, these symptoms could very well turn out to be something else entirely. My doctors are rushing me into extra screening this week.
The timing is ironic. My usual twice annual screening was coming up soon anyway, so I already had appointments for a CA-125 test, ultrasound, and physical exam that have now been urgently condensed and sped up. I’m also preparing for my prophylactic mastectomy surgery later in the year. So the same day my doctor sits me down with a grim face to say it may be ovarian cancer, a bunch of supplies I ordered from Amazon appeared on my doorstep–shower chair, bed tray, wedge pillow, etc.
It’s a funny thing to be preparing for a surgery you may not be able to have because of more pressing medical issues. Part of me is mentally putting the mastectomy surgery on hold until I have answers about these symptoms. Part of me thinks the symptoms will turn out to be much ado about nothing and I should carry on with mastectomy plans. It’s hard to know what to do or how to occupy myself while I wait for answers.
I’ve been joking that this ovarian cancer scare has put my family and I on threat level orange, like the Homeland Security alerts. Hopefully, it will all turn out to be a false alarm. But one of the many frustrating things about having a BRCA mutation is that, in a way, you are always at threat level orange, not unlike Homeland Security terror levels after 9-11. If/when I’m told that I have “no detectable cancer” (which is as much as a high risk girl can possibly hope for), I’ll still be looking at decades of false alarms. Even if I have a prophylactic mastectomy with oopherectomy, salpingectomy, and hysterectomy, I will still be predisposed to other cancers. The best case scenario is a life of fear and threats with no actual diagnosis–a life of threat level orange.